Article below from Traverse City Record-Eagle, April 15, 2004
Special to the Record-Eagle – Dana George - Back to Article Index

ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW Edith Gilbert releasing fourth edition on wedding etiquette Charlevoix – Edith Gilbert has been writing about weddings for longer than many new brides have been alive. Gilbert wrote her first book, “The Complete Wedding Planner,” in 1983. Now, the fourth edition of her book is being released this month by her publisher, Frederick Fell. In her 80s, Gilbert maintains a Web site, www.edithgilbert.com. She estimates that she’s answered some 30,000 questions via the Internet.

Record-Eagle photos / John L. Russell Edith Gilbert, of Charlevoix, has written a fourth edition of her book on wedding etiquette, updating the original 1983 version to keep up with changing times.

And they keep coming. For instance, is it okay to plan for a wedding to begin at 10:30 p.m.? According to Gilbert the answer is “No.” A couple must consider guests when determining a wedding time.

How does a couple go about asking for cash in lieu of wedding gifts? They don’t, Gilbert said.

And so it goes. Anxious parents ask about their financial obligations. Excited brides ask how to handle difficult situations. Gilbert answers them all.

And to think her career as a wedding etiquette expert happened by accident.

“I’d written a book on entertaining and was invited to speak to senators’ wives in Washington, D.C.,” Gilbert said. While there, she took the opportunity to attend the weeklong conference herself. Part of the seminar covered the topic of wedding planning.

“I came back home, trying to get a book published on table settings,” she recalled. “My publisher said no, but said that they wanted to do a wedding book. I told them that I know all about that.”

Gilbert has updated the book several times for one simple reason: the rules keep changing. While family relationships traditionally used to consist of mom, dad and the kids, there are now step-parents and ex-step-parents and step-grandparents to consider.

“More parents of brides and grooms are divorced and remarried,” Gilbert said. “Couples don’t know how to do the invitations. They don’t know who’s going to pay for what.”

That’s where Gilbert comes in. After a quarter-century of helping couples prepare for their upcoming nuptials, Gilbert is in a position to offer seasoned advice. She just wishes there had been someone around to help her when she married 45 years ago.

“There wasn’t even a bridal magazine in those days,” Gilbert said.

One bride who took advantage of Gilbert’s wisdom is Cynthia Boydston of Seattle. Boydston and her fiancé were planning a Michigan wedding and looked to her mother, Joyce Herbert, for help coordinating the event.

“What we found is that it’s just an excellent resource book to refer to for answering those things you want to know. You can find out about the proper wording on the invitations or the best way to handle situations like seating,” said Herbert, who lives in Charlevoix.

Herbert said that with all that goes into planning a wedding, it’s nice to have one more tool in the arsenal. Herbert especially appreciated a time line in the book that serves as a reminder of what needs to be done – and when.

“I certainly respect Edith’s knowledge and experience in the wedding and entertainment fields. She’s an etiquette guru,” Herbert said.

Even gurus embrace some new trends more than others. Destination weddings, for example, receive thumbs up from Gilbert.

“It’s kind of a combination wedding and honeymoon,” she said of the practice of marrying in an exotic locale.

Less pleasing to Gilbert are the expenses that can bog a wedding down.

“The average wedding today costs $22,000. I’ve been to $50,000 and $100,000 weddings. Couples see weddings like on television and want the same thing. They never dream of how much they will cost.”

Gilbert said that people want “too much that they can’t afford,” and end up making themselves unhappy in the process.

In addition to completing the new edition of “The Complete Wedding Planner,” Gilbert is writing a companion book that addresses rehearsals, dinners and wedding showers.

“I never get tired of talking about it,” she said. “There’s always something new.”

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